We're doing something right!

A few weeks go my dad and I sat outside in front of a bonfire (yes, I live in the woods) and polished off most of a large bottle of red wine. We normally have no problem communicating and talking about things, but I waited till he was a little buzzed before I asked the question that had been on my mind for a while. "Do you worry about your cancer and think about it all the time?" I asked. I wasn't really surprised by the answer, but it was interesting to hear it. He told me he constantly checks his tumor sight and wonders if it will come back and thinks a lot about whether the cancer is traveling around in his body undetected. I had no empathy, since I have never been through something as life altering as cancer, but I sure had sympathy. In fact, I have begun to live my days in the same manner. Does he have the sniffles? Why? Is the cancer multiplying as we sit here over dinner (or a bottle of wine)? It is exhausting, terrifying and back breaking.

Last Thursday, for the first time in six months (which is a long time in the world of cancer), my dad had another PET Scan. The scan itself is not painful or stressful. You basically get some radioactive sugar water pumped through your veins, lay in a tube for a looooong time and then get a nice little snack of crackers and juice to boost your sugar levels again. (Side story: when they pulled dad out of the tube for his half way point snack the nurse said "Oh its sunny outside!" She, of course, was referring to the current weather, but dad replied "What? Is it July already?" :) So, its a long, but painless process).

The painful part? WAITING!!!!! He was told his doctor would contact him on Monday with the results, but if you have ever dealt with a doctor you know that their time lines are a bit relaxed. Monday passed with no phone call or text from my dad. I figured that he would only contact me at work if it was good news so by the end of the night I was convinced the Melanoma had taken over his body and he had one week to live. I went to bed that night with a heavy heart and a lot of anxiety. To cut the story short....basically I heard the phone ringing when I was in my room getting ready for work on Tuesday morning. Nobody ever calls me on this phone so I NEVER answer it. I had a feeling, and went with it, and ran to listen to the message. It was was my dad's doc saying "your scan looks fine". Forget the fact that doctors shouldn't leave messages like this on answering machines, my father told him to call his cell phone and this said doctor is now not my dad's doc. Besides all that, it was amazing news. I called Pops instantly and fought back tears of joy.

I'm not sure what it is.....the praying, the positive thinking, his new cancer fighting/no sugar/no chemicals diet, the placement of Mars in the universe. Who knows. All I know is that we are doing something right. No signs of cancer and a whole lot of time ahead of us to keep kicking cancer's ass! Oh, and maybe he will continue to worry about what is floating around in his body, maybe we all will, but for the next few months we can safely say that all is good.

What the heck do I eat?!

This is kind of what I felt like today.......let me explain.

Since taking on the "cancerhasaffectedmyfamily/I'mtiredofbeingchubby" challenge of changing my eating habits, I have had more than just one mountain to crawl over. Limiting dairy has been less than fun (I still have cheese on my list of "just not ready to give up yet") and only letting natural/organic goods pass through my lips has taken some getting used to and requires some advanced reading of labels at the grocery store. Oh, and speaking of grocery stores, pretty much every store in a ten mile radius of my current home is stocked with crappy, chemically enhanced garbage from either a box or a farm in Venezuela. Ugh.

Fast forward from the beginning of my journey to today, and you will find me currently pulling out my hair in frustration about what the heck I'm supposed to eat! This is usually not a problem on the days I work as I work in Seattle.....A. at a restaurant dedicated to serving ONLY local, natural and seasonal food (I also get a great discount) and B. in a location where I can walk to not only several markets that specialize in this kind of eating, but also a half dozen restaurants that also serve chemical free, real food. On my days off? Well, that is a different story.

I've been fighting a cold, so the ONLY thing that sounded good for lunch was soup. I didn't exactly have a soup preference in mind, just soup in general. My stores of choice included Safety-Way and QFSea (I wanted to protect the name of these mega-stores for obvious reasons) and a handful of gas stations. Yum. I spent twenty minutes in Safety-Way and learned that their "vegetarian" tomato bisque has enough sodium to give the Dead Sea a run for its money as well as more fat than I need to consume in a week. QFSea, I thought, would have more of a selection in their deli that definitely appears to be nicer than Safety-Ways. Nope. A cup of even their "light" soup could put a diabetic in a small coma. I refused to even try the canned aisle in either of these stores because lets face it, the chemicals on the back of those cans are too hard to spell and most likely radio active.

All of you out there that understand nutrition and what I'm trying to do to my nutritional life can collectively sigh as you hear the choice I made. Won Ton soup from the local Chinese restaurant. Sigh. In my defense, this was my rationale......A. Non-dairy B. Low fat C. Local?? (the restaurant is local....okay that is a stretch) D. Hot and soothing on my sore throat. I sat, arms folded across my chest in failure and despair, as I waited for my to-go order. The soup was delicious, but I had buyer's remorse and I know that this is just the start to the ultimate question. What the heck do I eat!?? Especially when surburban America offers little in choice.

Suggestions? Comments?

Spring is here!

My running schedule was screwed up today to say the least. I've been fighting a good old fashion cold, which makes running painful at best. After dragging myself to the track and wheezing through a two mile run, I decided to take my dog for a walk around the neighborhood for the rest of my cardio. Upset that I couldn't do the four miles I had planned on, I figured a walk in the sunshine would boost my mood, and my body's Vitamin D!

In the Northwest, it is impossible NOT to take notice when spring arrives. We, as Seattle natives, spend so much of the year under cloudy gray skies surrounded by bleak and bare trees that when even one bud appears on a branch or one patch of sun makes an appearance, we cheer! Although the first day of spring was a few days ago, today I finally saw it with my own eyes and oh what a sight. There are a couple of indicators that point towards spring and today I think I witnessed and took part in all of them.

1. I had to wear sunglasses on my walk because, SHOCK, there was a very bright thing in the sky that neither my eyes or my skin had seen in a while.
2. I wore the token "spring" outfit which consisted of jeans, a short sleeve shirt and a down, puffy vest. Yikes! This outfit can be seen all over the Northwest and although not a fashion statement, I find it very practical. Too chilly to ditch the vest, but warm enough to have the stark white skin on my arms meet the sun's rays.
3. Animals are out and about! Just yesterday, while sitting outside on the deck with my morning coffee, a huge Blue Heron landed in a tree about 20 feet away. The herons frequent our home because of our huge pond stocked with little critters, but they definitely are not seen as often in the winter. It was great to welcome him back!
4. Things are in full bloom! It feels like overnight trees, flowers and shrubs have sprung to life and at any time they will be a rainbow of color.

I came back to the same spot I photographed earlier in the year and the buds I saw pushing up out of the ground are here! I thought they were tulips, but was instead greeted by a sea of daffodils!

Even the donkeys down the street were more eager than normal to greet me at the fence. There are four in all, but these two were more curious than the others. I have walked (or run) by these guys since childhood and I finally took the time today to stop and apprecite them. What funny little characters they are.

So, all in all, a crappy day of running turned into a pretty good spring afternoon. The walk wore me out and my cold is still lingering, but I'm glad I pushed myself into finishing even a two mile run and into appreciating life around the neighborhood. Welcome spring!!!

Life is a marathon....or maybe just a half.

I turned 30 about a week ago (one of the main reasons I haven't been writing) and between a vacation to Vegas with friends, family bbq's, spa days and nights out on the town celebrating, I pretty much haven't raised my heart rate in a good two weeks. Oh, unless you count the heart palpitations I had in the air due to my irrational fear of flying. :) All in all, I took in 30 with heart, soul and a really positive attitude. I see this new decade as a "do-over" for me or at least a time in my life where I hopefully won't make the same mistakes as I did in my 20's. I know, I know, we learn from our mistakes and hard times just make us stronger, blah, blah, blah. In theory, I understand this, but I'd like the next chapter in my life to be as drama and tragedy free as possible.

I'm off to a great start and I decided to conquer something this year that I've been thinking about doing for nearly a decade. I'm going to run a half marathon. Alright, maybe I should say "I'm going to complete a half marathon" because honestly I don't know if I will be able to keep my legs jogging the whole 13.1 miles or not. I'm not fully confident I won't keel over and die at mile 8 and I fear another injury will keep me from even training for this feat. What I do know is that I am going to sign up for it on Friday (payday) and I will try my darnedest to train, run and finish with all my limbs in tact and a smile on my face.

After finishing my first 10k in Janurary of this year, I realized there are a couple of reasons I like to run and recently, like to compete. I like the fact that I have a goal on the horizon and I love the way it feels when I reach that goal. I enjoy training because it feels less like working out and more like "game" with a reward at the end. And frankly, you can't beat the feeling of crossing a finish line. In first place or in last, it doesn't really matter, the feeling is incredible.

This half marathon has even more importance to me than merely reaching goals. The money raised (and I plan on trying to raise quite a bit) benefits The American Cancer Society. I can't think of a better reason to pound my feet on concrete for over 13 miles than to support and raise funds for an organization that has a hand in the recovery and prevention of a disease that has infultrated my life. I will run for my dad. I will run for the research to keep his cancer from returning and I will run for everyone that has or will suffer from the ugly world of cancer. If that won't keep my legs moving, I don't know what will.

I have over three months to train and I started today with a grueling 3.5 mile run (with several hills) after way too much time off. My knees felt good and I felt strong. If not in body, at least in mind.

Hello 30!!! I welcome you. Just see if you can slow me down!

A snowy Thursday

It snowed most of the day yesterday and with more in the forecast for late last night, I went to bed wondering what I would wake up to. This is what greeted me!

Although I was bummed about not being able to go for a run (I figured running on snow and ice probably wouldn't be the best thing for my healing knee) I was thrilled to throw on a hat and scarf, put on my rubber boots and go exploring around the yard. The quiet of a snow filled yard was only broken with the occasional rustle of bird in a tree or the soft patter of Lucy's feet in the snow.

Flower pots that will soon be overflowing with bright flowers were stark and white today.

After a long walk around the yard and through some woods, we headed back inside to warm up. Lucy found a patch of sun to sit in by the window (along with her favorite hippo toy) and gazed longinly out at the snow. She may have once been a beach dog when I lived in San Diego, but she sure enjoys the weather of the good old Northwest. :)

As for my altered workout due to the weather? I braved the roads and made it safely to the gym where I did weights, the row machine for 20 minutes and ran three miles on the treadmill. It wasn't quite as relaxing as hitting the pavement, but at least I didn't let the snow be another excuse to falter from my weight loss program!

My new hobby!

At the beginning of 2011, I made some New Year's "goals" which included a goal to find a new hobby. I have been doing some photography and I really love it, but recently I found something else that has sparked my interest as well. Gardening! When I lived in California in 2008, my lovely roommate had an amazing garden in the backyard, but I can honestly say it didn't grab my attention and I did nothing except water it a handful of times when she was out of town. Sure, I had other things on my mind like my divorce and how to pay the bills that were piling up, but even with that weight on my shoulders I'm surprised I never saw the beauty of the garden.

What's changed my mind? What was it that peaked my interest and has my heart all a flutter at the thought of putting my hands in the dirt? No doubt, it has everything to do with my dad. As we wait (not so patiently) for his appointment with a melanoma specialist at the University of Washington on March 1st and as we anticipate the next step in his treatment, there are few things we can do to fight or ward off the return of the cancer. What we can do, however, is think about, research and genuinely care about what we put in our bodies. High fructose corn syrup and preservatives have been banished from the house and words like "natural" and "fresh" are constantly in our vocabularies. And so, since spring is fast approaching, we decided to turn a patch of the two acres my parents own into a garden.



Here is a picture of the plot of land. The barn in the background used to house our horses, but with the animals no longer a part of our lives, this huge piece of land is barren and screaming for attention. My cousin and her family are going to be a part of this garden as well and together we will all be digging, tilling, planting and growing some delicious food. ALL natural of course and planted with love. :)

So far on the list is kale, spinach, garlic, onions, squash, beets, carrots, green beans and maybe potatoes. With a Seattle climate, there are some things that just won't grow and prosper, but we do plan on doing some tomatoes in pots. Oh, and the big endeavor (if time and money allows) will be blueberries! If you have ever purchased fresh local blueberries in the Northwest, you know how lucrative growing them yourself to consume and sell could be.

http://seattletilth.org/

Seattle Tilth offers some great classes and learning opportunities and I'm thinking of attending a session. I hope to post more pictures later in spring of our garden in bloom. I will take great pride in producing food that is safe, healthy and sustainable as well as sharing this hobby with a very special and brave man.

Really bad excuses.

Alright, so maybe the cartoon above doesn't quite reflect my current situation of trying to lose a little extra weight, but I thought it was funny. I highly doubt that if I fail at losing some pounds that I will wind up dead in the near future. I'm not obese and am actually quite healthy as far as cholesterol and blood pressure numbers go, but at the end of the day I REALLY want to, and probably should, lose weight.

Several road blocks stand in my way of truly getting back into my skinny jeans, but the one that I find extremely troublesome this week is my ability to make excuses. Bad excuses and in some cases irrational excuses, but excuses non the less. I excel at making excuses and if making them were some kind of a sport I would no doubt be sponsored by Nike. I decided writing about them and putting it "out there" might help me to stay accountable so here it goes.....

I worked the lunch shift at work today and knew for a fact that I would be done at 3:30 on the dot when a co-worker came to relieve me. I had plans (since last night honestly) to hurry home, lace up my shoes and hit the pavement for a run around my block which tops out at 3.52 miles. I talked about it at work, had a protein packed and healthy lunch, and was indeed in my car by 3:35 heading home.

A few things happened between work and home, which IS quite a long commute (oops, is that another excuse?!) and by the time I pulled into the driveway I knew in my gut that running was the last thing I would be doing this afternoon. What happened on the ride home? Nothing more than some clouds rolling in and my knee having a twinge (SMALL twinge) of pain after a work shift on my feet. From these two things I derived the following excuses for not going for a run and I, sadly, can discredit and rationalize the reasons why all of them are really bad excuses.

1. It might start raining so I better not go running: this makes ABSOLUTELY no sense at all!!! I live, and have lived my whole life, in Seattle! I can get anything done in the rain and I actually really enjoy running in the rain. It sounded like an excuse someone from CA would use because, frankly, sometimes the world stops turning when it rains down there. :)

2. It might be dark by the time I get home, which wouldn't be safe: Ok, ok, a valid excuse for when I used to live downtown, but I reside in the suburbs now and I'm pretty sure I would be alright on a lit, busy street. Oh, and it doesn't get dark at 4pm any longer.

3. I really need to sit down and send out some resumes and work on my job search: This one is my favorite because there is nothing I hate more than job hunting and this can and is usually done at night from the comfort of my bed on my laptop. There was no need to embark on this task midday.

4. I have Wednesday off from work so I can work out and run even further without time constraints: Ah, yes, put off what you can do today and just wait to do it later. How about you run today AND on Wednesday.

5. And as I was arriving home the last and final excuse was that my ipod was dead: apparently I forgot that all I have to do is plug the thing into my computer for a few minutes and BAM, I will have music to run to. :)

Did I wise up and go for that run? No. Am I beating myself up over it? Not as much as I was earlier in the evening. I recognized the error of my ways and I will just start fresh again tomorrow. After all, we can't get it right every day and this journey is all about being forgiving towards yourself, right?