Rock and Roll

I'm running a marathon tomorrow. Just a half marathon, but still, a marathon. I have trained (probably not enough, but oh well), I have read the blogs and magazines, I have picked up my number and my free samples of Gu and peanut butter, I have carbo loaded tonight with a big pasta dinner, I have hydrated and purchased new running pants and cried and laughed at the fact that tomorrow I am running a marathon. After all of this preparation, I can honestly say that I have no idea what to expect and I'm still a little scared out of my mind.

I know I won't set any records and I'm sure that I will be much slower than the majority of the runners, but not the slowest. I haven't lost the amount of weight I have wanted to, but I ran 9 miles straight a few days ago. I haven't purchased a fancy watch to time my miles and stay "on track" to finish at a certain time, but I am pretty certain I will finish. I haven't conquered all my fears or transformed my life, but I have found the joy of running and the therapy it brings me. I haven't raised thousands for cancer research in honor of my dad, but I have raised $300, and that is pretty great. I haven't thought about my next marathon or even if there will be one, but I am confident I will enjoy every moment of my first one tomorrow. For all that I haven't done or accomplished, there are three things I have under my belt. Baby steps. Just like the ones I plan on taking tomorrow.

So, at 8:30 at night, tucked nicely in bed with my best friend here visiting to support me and many more who are keeping me in their thoughts, I will say goodnight and good luck to myself. I have come far and still have so far to go. Life really is a marathon and not a sprint. What a wonderful adventure both will be.

Keep on Trucking....

Greetings fellow bloggers. I haven't written in weeks so I thought I would send something out into cyberspace today. Why haven't I written? Too busy with work? On a luxury vacation? No access to the internet? Nope. None of the above. Frankly, I've been in a funk (oh, and only a handful of people even read my blog so I didn't think taking a month off would really matter). :) I put all my eggs in one basket and was very hopeful about getting a job that I interviewed for and, shocker, I didn't get it. You mean there are other highly qualified people out there looking for a job?! I had no idea. :) Perhaps my confident attitude clouded this fact, but this was my DREAM job!!! And it sucks and I cried and I got a little mad and then I do what I always do.....keep on trucking.

I developed the skill of "keep on trucking" (yes, that is a medical term) out of necessity, not by choice. I didn't choose to have some of the things happen to me that have in the past few years and I definitely didn't enjoy them. What I did CHOOSE, however, was to not spend my days living beneath the dark cloud that is grief and sadness. I continue to choose this and although hard days and disappointments still grace my front door, they now fail to stay for a long visit. This most recent setback had me "funky" for longer than I liked so I was excited to celebrate Memorial Day with some of my favorite things to cheer me up. The outdoors, family, friends and laughter.

When I pulled up to my house after working the morning shift at work I was graced with a flag blowing in the wind. My dad (yep, I'm that girl that is living at home to save money and I'm ok with that....most days) had mounted it on the fence that led to the "Early KOA" camp ground that would remain open the whole three day weekend. There is nothing like a flag blowing in the wind and I was instantly proud to be an American.

I'm an outdoors girl by nature so wearing raggedy clothes and boots for a whole weekend as I sit around a camp fire, play horseshoes and breath the fresh air of the Pacific Northwest is just about bliss for me. I've mentioned the lovely Northwest in several of my posts, but honestly people, you CAN'T beat a nice day in Seattle. :) The rain held off and friend and family camped in their motor homes right on our property. Above is Lucy waiting patiently for someone to emerge from indoors....perhaps with a hot dog

There are countless reasons why I love my family and this picture is just one of them. Through a brassy sounding boom box, my mom heard an old favorite and insisted my dad dance wit her. I both cringe and love the fact that I have done and will probably do this same things many times in my life. Dad obliged and the dance the whole song right there in the grass. I was playing around with camera settings and I was mad this came out slightly blurry, but I've since decided it adds a bit of drama to it. Dance on you two!

So there you have it. Funk lifted, fabulous weekend spent with those I love, honoring those who fight to keep us safe. Nothing better. The fresh air cleared my head and I'm left with a few thoughts......there are more jobs to land, more positive than negative in my life and building the life I want is always my CHOICE!

What the heck do I eat?!

This is kind of what I felt like today.......let me explain.

Since taking on the "cancerhasaffectedmyfamily/I'mtiredofbeingchubby" challenge of changing my eating habits, I have had more than just one mountain to crawl over. Limiting dairy has been less than fun (I still have cheese on my list of "just not ready to give up yet") and only letting natural/organic goods pass through my lips has taken some getting used to and requires some advanced reading of labels at the grocery store. Oh, and speaking of grocery stores, pretty much every store in a ten mile radius of my current home is stocked with crappy, chemically enhanced garbage from either a box or a farm in Venezuela. Ugh.

Fast forward from the beginning of my journey to today, and you will find me currently pulling out my hair in frustration about what the heck I'm supposed to eat! This is usually not a problem on the days I work as I work in Seattle.....A. at a restaurant dedicated to serving ONLY local, natural and seasonal food (I also get a great discount) and B. in a location where I can walk to not only several markets that specialize in this kind of eating, but also a half dozen restaurants that also serve chemical free, real food. On my days off? Well, that is a different story.

I've been fighting a cold, so the ONLY thing that sounded good for lunch was soup. I didn't exactly have a soup preference in mind, just soup in general. My stores of choice included Safety-Way and QFSea (I wanted to protect the name of these mega-stores for obvious reasons) and a handful of gas stations. Yum. I spent twenty minutes in Safety-Way and learned that their "vegetarian" tomato bisque has enough sodium to give the Dead Sea a run for its money as well as more fat than I need to consume in a week. QFSea, I thought, would have more of a selection in their deli that definitely appears to be nicer than Safety-Ways. Nope. A cup of even their "light" soup could put a diabetic in a small coma. I refused to even try the canned aisle in either of these stores because lets face it, the chemicals on the back of those cans are too hard to spell and most likely radio active.

All of you out there that understand nutrition and what I'm trying to do to my nutritional life can collectively sigh as you hear the choice I made. Won Ton soup from the local Chinese restaurant. Sigh. In my defense, this was my rationale......A. Non-dairy B. Low fat C. Local?? (the restaurant is local....okay that is a stretch) D. Hot and soothing on my sore throat. I sat, arms folded across my chest in failure and despair, as I waited for my to-go order. The soup was delicious, but I had buyer's remorse and I know that this is just the start to the ultimate question. What the heck do I eat!?? Especially when surburban America offers little in choice.

Suggestions? Comments?

Spring is here!

My running schedule was screwed up today to say the least. I've been fighting a good old fashion cold, which makes running painful at best. After dragging myself to the track and wheezing through a two mile run, I decided to take my dog for a walk around the neighborhood for the rest of my cardio. Upset that I couldn't do the four miles I had planned on, I figured a walk in the sunshine would boost my mood, and my body's Vitamin D!

In the Northwest, it is impossible NOT to take notice when spring arrives. We, as Seattle natives, spend so much of the year under cloudy gray skies surrounded by bleak and bare trees that when even one bud appears on a branch or one patch of sun makes an appearance, we cheer! Although the first day of spring was a few days ago, today I finally saw it with my own eyes and oh what a sight. There are a couple of indicators that point towards spring and today I think I witnessed and took part in all of them.

1. I had to wear sunglasses on my walk because, SHOCK, there was a very bright thing in the sky that neither my eyes or my skin had seen in a while.
2. I wore the token "spring" outfit which consisted of jeans, a short sleeve shirt and a down, puffy vest. Yikes! This outfit can be seen all over the Northwest and although not a fashion statement, I find it very practical. Too chilly to ditch the vest, but warm enough to have the stark white skin on my arms meet the sun's rays.
3. Animals are out and about! Just yesterday, while sitting outside on the deck with my morning coffee, a huge Blue Heron landed in a tree about 20 feet away. The herons frequent our home because of our huge pond stocked with little critters, but they definitely are not seen as often in the winter. It was great to welcome him back!
4. Things are in full bloom! It feels like overnight trees, flowers and shrubs have sprung to life and at any time they will be a rainbow of color.

I came back to the same spot I photographed earlier in the year and the buds I saw pushing up out of the ground are here! I thought they were tulips, but was instead greeted by a sea of daffodils!

Even the donkeys down the street were more eager than normal to greet me at the fence. There are four in all, but these two were more curious than the others. I have walked (or run) by these guys since childhood and I finally took the time today to stop and apprecite them. What funny little characters they are.

So, all in all, a crappy day of running turned into a pretty good spring afternoon. The walk wore me out and my cold is still lingering, but I'm glad I pushed myself into finishing even a two mile run and into appreciating life around the neighborhood. Welcome spring!!!

A snowy Thursday

It snowed most of the day yesterday and with more in the forecast for late last night, I went to bed wondering what I would wake up to. This is what greeted me!

Although I was bummed about not being able to go for a run (I figured running on snow and ice probably wouldn't be the best thing for my healing knee) I was thrilled to throw on a hat and scarf, put on my rubber boots and go exploring around the yard. The quiet of a snow filled yard was only broken with the occasional rustle of bird in a tree or the soft patter of Lucy's feet in the snow.

Flower pots that will soon be overflowing with bright flowers were stark and white today.

After a long walk around the yard and through some woods, we headed back inside to warm up. Lucy found a patch of sun to sit in by the window (along with her favorite hippo toy) and gazed longinly out at the snow. She may have once been a beach dog when I lived in San Diego, but she sure enjoys the weather of the good old Northwest. :)

As for my altered workout due to the weather? I braved the roads and made it safely to the gym where I did weights, the row machine for 20 minutes and ran three miles on the treadmill. It wasn't quite as relaxing as hitting the pavement, but at least I didn't let the snow be another excuse to falter from my weight loss program!

"You don't need Valentine's Day to know you are loved"

I tend to do a lot of my "writing" in the car in the form of thinking about and planning out the next chapter in my book or the next entry on this blog. Tonight, after working a busy Valentine's Day night at my job at a popular restaurant in Seattle, I had tons to "draft" in my head on the way home.

I don't really care for Valentine's Day. It was tolerable when I was in a relationship, I dealt with it when I was married and I try not to get too bitter now that I'm divorced and single. The holiday just gets under my skin. Over-priced flowers, dorky greeting cards and expensive, pretentious dinners, non of which has much to do with the word and emotion of love. So you can imagine that my attitude about my night at work was less than par. I tried to come in with a decent smile on my face, but honestly, I was dreading working in a restaurant filled with people "in love".

What happened tonight, however, made me appreciate this day more than I ever have. As I bustled around seating people and serving tables, I started to realize that the tables were filled with so many different kinds of "love". Sure, there was the stereotypical table complete with a tall dark and handsome male and a skinny blonde wearing too much makeup, but there was also so much more. I saw a table with a couple that were pushing 80 and held hands frequently throughout their meal. I saw girlfriends dining together to celebrate their friendships. I witnessed gay couples, interracial couples and couples of drastically different ages. I even saw a mother-daughter table and a table of a father and his two very small children.

What did I learn tonight? Love doesn't have to look the way I want it to. I don't have to have a boyfriend of a husband to feel loved and love comes in so many different packages. My dear cousin wrote me yesterday a great reminder....."You don't need Valentine's Day to know you are loved". I think she is pretty wise. So, enjoy the love you have in your life. Whatever form it comes in!

It doesn't always rain in Seattle!

There is nothing that sends Seattle natives leaping off their couches and running for the front door like a sunny day. I completely understand that much of the country is blanketed with inches and inches of snow and ice right now, but sometimes the rain and gloom of the Northwest seems worse. We often go days with out even seeing the sunshine and when I say 'days' I mean numerous days which sometimes turns into weeks! So you can comprehend my excitement when today I woke up to blinding sun and not a cloud in the sky. Sure, the temps were still hovering in the 30's, but who cares?! I saw the sun.....

With camera in hand, I took my pug, Lucy, for a walk and found some exciting signs of spring! Yes, I know its too early to get out the flip flops or gardening tools, but winter is definitely on the downward slope.

Tulips at the park were sprouting up everywhere! I can't wait to return in a few weeks when they are in full bloom.

I was trying to get a cute picture of Lucy, but she was too distracted by the children playing at the park to look up at me. I think the picture turned out kind of cool. Oh....and I really wanted to get some cute shots of kids playing on the swings and merry-go-round, but I wasn't sure if a stranger snapping pictures of random kids was somehow a crime. :)

This sweet little guy lives up the street from me and we always pass him on the way to the park. Today he was super curious about me and Lucy. He was laying down, but jumped up when I approached, just like a typical horse. I've nicknamed him Skip. :)

2011

I have never really believed in resolutions. Each year since I can remember I always made my resolution about weight loss and fitness. Even at my thinnest my resolutions always sounded something like "lose weight", "get ready for bikini weather" or "no carbs". Like the vast majority of the general public, the first few weeks of January have always reflected my resolutions, but by early February I am skipping the gym or indulging in a hunk of bread. This inevitably leads to guilt and shame, which usually leads to more bread and an overwhelming urge to put the resolution off until the next year.

Rationally, the whole resolution idea makes no sense at all. Shouldn't we be doing good things for ourselves and good things for others all year long? Shouldn't we always be saving money, taking care of our bodies and having more fun? Why save the good stuff for just January? So this year I decided to make a goal list instead. By definition, a 'goal' is "the result or achievement toward which effort is directed." On the other hand, I found one definition that said a 'resolution' is "to make a firm resolution to do something". Even in their definitons the two are drastically different. I can make a firm resolution to do just about anything, but without any effort its pretty unlikely that there will be a positive result. My goals are actions that are tangible, trackable and they all lead to a better, more peaceful and healthy life!

2011 Goals

(in no particular order)

1. Run at least three times a week

* running not only has become a passion of mine, it also helps me to achieve my goals and lose weight. I want to make sure I fit it in even with a busy schedule at work. This year my dad is starting to run with me and we just did our first mile together last week. I can't wait to share this hobby with him!

2. No "night" eating

* Ok, so this is a hard one for me. I rarely eat breakfast (yes, I know its the most important meal of the day) and I'm a huge night eater. Working late a restaurant and getting home at 10pm doesn't help. My goal is to drastically reduce this bad habit and to have healthy choices in the kitchen if I absolutely have to have a snack before bed. Wish me luck.

3. Join a new club/meet new people

* this one is pretty self explanatory. I don't get out enough in social settings (not the bars) and meet new people. I would like to meet people with common interests and I really don't want to die alone. :) I'm not talking about a dating club, but simply something fun, low key and low pressure to meet new people and have fun! Any suggestions?

4. Read more books

* I have a library card and plan on using the heck out of it this year. Perhaps a book club can take care of this goal and goal 3....

5. Travel

* this is probably the hardest goal simply because I am not financially able to travel at this time. However, I can at least start thinking about it, saving money and researching where to go. South America is on the top of my list followed by Italy.

6. Send out resumes/consider grad school

* this goal will hopefully result in a career or a life plan. I've been laid off twice in one year and my current job, although fun, is not paying the bills or challenging my mind. I will continue to job hunt with gusto and consider maybe furthering my education.

7. Explore nearby places

* I think of this goal as traveling on a small scale. I've lived in the Northwest my whole life (minus 6 months in CA post divorce) and there are literally dozens of places I have never been. Many are day trips with little cost besides gas. The Olympics, San Juans and some spots on the Penisula are on my list.

8. Find one new hobby

* although similar to joining a club, this goal is just for personal satisfaction and not for my social life. I have no idea what my new hobby might be, but I'm excited to find out!

9. Nourish my body

* I love the way this goal is phrased. It isn't about losing weight or looking great for my Vegas vacation in March (although I hope that is a result). It is simply about nourishing the body God gave me and taking care of it the best way I can.

10. Limit alcohol

* hehe. I love my red wine and a cold beer while watching football. I love going out with friends or sitting with a good book and a good cabernet. However, I would like to cut back this year both for health reasons, weight loss and basically because it can be really hard on the checkbook!

Cheers to 2011 and Happy New Year!!!!