Rock and Roll

I'm running a marathon tomorrow. Just a half marathon, but still, a marathon. I have trained (probably not enough, but oh well), I have read the blogs and magazines, I have picked up my number and my free samples of Gu and peanut butter, I have carbo loaded tonight with a big pasta dinner, I have hydrated and purchased new running pants and cried and laughed at the fact that tomorrow I am running a marathon. After all of this preparation, I can honestly say that I have no idea what to expect and I'm still a little scared out of my mind.

I know I won't set any records and I'm sure that I will be much slower than the majority of the runners, but not the slowest. I haven't lost the amount of weight I have wanted to, but I ran 9 miles straight a few days ago. I haven't purchased a fancy watch to time my miles and stay "on track" to finish at a certain time, but I am pretty certain I will finish. I haven't conquered all my fears or transformed my life, but I have found the joy of running and the therapy it brings me. I haven't raised thousands for cancer research in honor of my dad, but I have raised $300, and that is pretty great. I haven't thought about my next marathon or even if there will be one, but I am confident I will enjoy every moment of my first one tomorrow. For all that I haven't done or accomplished, there are three things I have under my belt. Baby steps. Just like the ones I plan on taking tomorrow.

So, at 8:30 at night, tucked nicely in bed with my best friend here visiting to support me and many more who are keeping me in their thoughts, I will say goodnight and good luck to myself. I have come far and still have so far to go. Life really is a marathon and not a sprint. What a wonderful adventure both will be.

Oh, Barbara....

With only 17 days left until the half marathon (gulp), I really had to get my head in the game today. I ran 6 miles at the track and although I was a little slow today, I felt good. I got talked into joining my friend later in the day at the gym for a hard core work out. She called it "Barbara" which I thought was strange, but I didn't ask.

Below was me at the gym tonight.......


Alright, so I thought it would be more enjoyable to post a picture of this hunky guy doing pull-ups instead of me (chubby and not near as strong). :) All four of us gals had to use the pull-up machine that "assists" you in the one exercise that I find freakish. Who can really pull their whole body weight up to a bar over and over again? A five year old maybe, but beyond that it is just creepy.

The pull-up was just one of four exercises that we did in a routine called "Barabara". When I asked, I learned that the creators of the famous CrossFit fitness program names many of their routines after ex girlfriends. "Barabara" was either in fabulous shape or she liked to torture people. I not confident of which one.

The workout:
1. Warm-up on the stair climber for 20 minutes (NOT to be confused with the stair stepper. The stair climber has stairs that move continuously and you either have to keep stepping or risk falling off the back. By minute 5 I was covered in sweat, but I managed to complete all 20).
2. 20 pull-ups
3. 30 push-ups (Most of us opted for "girly" push-ups on our knees)
4. 40 squats
5. 50 crunches
6. Repeat steps 2-5 FOUR times or until you feel like you want to vomit or faint.

Honestly, it went by quickly and despite the sweat pouring off my body I felt pretty good at the end. I was so proud that I kept up with three gals that are smaller than me and who weight lift more often than I do. Will I be able to walk tomorrow? Unlikely. That ok though....pain means progress!!!

Running my ass off...

Ok, ok, the ass hasn't actually fallen off yet, but that would be a welcome side effect of training for the Seattle Rock and Roll half marathon. Several weeks ago, when I hit "confirm" on the marathon website, I instantly feared and regretted my decision to run 13.1 miles. On purpose. In reality, the most miles I have ever completed at one time is barely 8 and I think I was probably 30 pounds skinnier then where I stand on the scale today. Sure, I completed a 10k in January in just over an hour and I definitely could have kept going, but we are talking about DOUBLE the distance. Yikes.

There isn't much I can do at this point. The entrance fee has been paid, the date is set and I'm NOT going to make a fool of myself by faking an injury or simply slacking off and pulling out of the race. Nope, that won't happen. My only option, therefore, is to run. My ass off. I accomplished 4 miles on Monday this week and then a little over 5 on Wednesday. I ran through a literal downpour of Seattle rain and an emotional one of just not feeling fit enough to keep going. I have acquired a dull ache in my left hip (I can honestly say I have never had a pain in my hip. Its an odd sensation) and my ankles and knees continue to be slightly sore either after a long run or simply a day at work on my feet. Fabulous.

As the weeks tick away and June 25th becomes a reality, I will contine to push myself physically and emotionally. I want to reach this goal for the weight loss, for the fundraising for the American Cancer Society and for the feeling I know will be waiting for me when I cross that finish line (whether I'm on my feet or crawling). This week? 8 miles is the goal. The status of my ass actually falling off? I will keep you posted. :)

Spring is here!

My running schedule was screwed up today to say the least. I've been fighting a good old fashion cold, which makes running painful at best. After dragging myself to the track and wheezing through a two mile run, I decided to take my dog for a walk around the neighborhood for the rest of my cardio. Upset that I couldn't do the four miles I had planned on, I figured a walk in the sunshine would boost my mood, and my body's Vitamin D!

In the Northwest, it is impossible NOT to take notice when spring arrives. We, as Seattle natives, spend so much of the year under cloudy gray skies surrounded by bleak and bare trees that when even one bud appears on a branch or one patch of sun makes an appearance, we cheer! Although the first day of spring was a few days ago, today I finally saw it with my own eyes and oh what a sight. There are a couple of indicators that point towards spring and today I think I witnessed and took part in all of them.

1. I had to wear sunglasses on my walk because, SHOCK, there was a very bright thing in the sky that neither my eyes or my skin had seen in a while.
2. I wore the token "spring" outfit which consisted of jeans, a short sleeve shirt and a down, puffy vest. Yikes! This outfit can be seen all over the Northwest and although not a fashion statement, I find it very practical. Too chilly to ditch the vest, but warm enough to have the stark white skin on my arms meet the sun's rays.
3. Animals are out and about! Just yesterday, while sitting outside on the deck with my morning coffee, a huge Blue Heron landed in a tree about 20 feet away. The herons frequent our home because of our huge pond stocked with little critters, but they definitely are not seen as often in the winter. It was great to welcome him back!
4. Things are in full bloom! It feels like overnight trees, flowers and shrubs have sprung to life and at any time they will be a rainbow of color.

I came back to the same spot I photographed earlier in the year and the buds I saw pushing up out of the ground are here! I thought they were tulips, but was instead greeted by a sea of daffodils!

Even the donkeys down the street were more eager than normal to greet me at the fence. There are four in all, but these two were more curious than the others. I have walked (or run) by these guys since childhood and I finally took the time today to stop and apprecite them. What funny little characters they are.

So, all in all, a crappy day of running turned into a pretty good spring afternoon. The walk wore me out and my cold is still lingering, but I'm glad I pushed myself into finishing even a two mile run and into appreciating life around the neighborhood. Welcome spring!!!

Life is a marathon....or maybe just a half.

I turned 30 about a week ago (one of the main reasons I haven't been writing) and between a vacation to Vegas with friends, family bbq's, spa days and nights out on the town celebrating, I pretty much haven't raised my heart rate in a good two weeks. Oh, unless you count the heart palpitations I had in the air due to my irrational fear of flying. :) All in all, I took in 30 with heart, soul and a really positive attitude. I see this new decade as a "do-over" for me or at least a time in my life where I hopefully won't make the same mistakes as I did in my 20's. I know, I know, we learn from our mistakes and hard times just make us stronger, blah, blah, blah. In theory, I understand this, but I'd like the next chapter in my life to be as drama and tragedy free as possible.

I'm off to a great start and I decided to conquer something this year that I've been thinking about doing for nearly a decade. I'm going to run a half marathon. Alright, maybe I should say "I'm going to complete a half marathon" because honestly I don't know if I will be able to keep my legs jogging the whole 13.1 miles or not. I'm not fully confident I won't keel over and die at mile 8 and I fear another injury will keep me from even training for this feat. What I do know is that I am going to sign up for it on Friday (payday) and I will try my darnedest to train, run and finish with all my limbs in tact and a smile on my face.

After finishing my first 10k in Janurary of this year, I realized there are a couple of reasons I like to run and recently, like to compete. I like the fact that I have a goal on the horizon and I love the way it feels when I reach that goal. I enjoy training because it feels less like working out and more like "game" with a reward at the end. And frankly, you can't beat the feeling of crossing a finish line. In first place or in last, it doesn't really matter, the feeling is incredible.

This half marathon has even more importance to me than merely reaching goals. The money raised (and I plan on trying to raise quite a bit) benefits The American Cancer Society. I can't think of a better reason to pound my feet on concrete for over 13 miles than to support and raise funds for an organization that has a hand in the recovery and prevention of a disease that has infultrated my life. I will run for my dad. I will run for the research to keep his cancer from returning and I will run for everyone that has or will suffer from the ugly world of cancer. If that won't keep my legs moving, I don't know what will.

I have over three months to train and I started today with a grueling 3.5 mile run (with several hills) after way too much time off. My knees felt good and I felt strong. If not in body, at least in mind.

Hello 30!!! I welcome you. Just see if you can slow me down!

Really bad excuses.

Alright, so maybe the cartoon above doesn't quite reflect my current situation of trying to lose a little extra weight, but I thought it was funny. I highly doubt that if I fail at losing some pounds that I will wind up dead in the near future. I'm not obese and am actually quite healthy as far as cholesterol and blood pressure numbers go, but at the end of the day I REALLY want to, and probably should, lose weight.

Several road blocks stand in my way of truly getting back into my skinny jeans, but the one that I find extremely troublesome this week is my ability to make excuses. Bad excuses and in some cases irrational excuses, but excuses non the less. I excel at making excuses and if making them were some kind of a sport I would no doubt be sponsored by Nike. I decided writing about them and putting it "out there" might help me to stay accountable so here it goes.....

I worked the lunch shift at work today and knew for a fact that I would be done at 3:30 on the dot when a co-worker came to relieve me. I had plans (since last night honestly) to hurry home, lace up my shoes and hit the pavement for a run around my block which tops out at 3.52 miles. I talked about it at work, had a protein packed and healthy lunch, and was indeed in my car by 3:35 heading home.

A few things happened between work and home, which IS quite a long commute (oops, is that another excuse?!) and by the time I pulled into the driveway I knew in my gut that running was the last thing I would be doing this afternoon. What happened on the ride home? Nothing more than some clouds rolling in and my knee having a twinge (SMALL twinge) of pain after a work shift on my feet. From these two things I derived the following excuses for not going for a run and I, sadly, can discredit and rationalize the reasons why all of them are really bad excuses.

1. It might start raining so I better not go running: this makes ABSOLUTELY no sense at all!!! I live, and have lived my whole life, in Seattle! I can get anything done in the rain and I actually really enjoy running in the rain. It sounded like an excuse someone from CA would use because, frankly, sometimes the world stops turning when it rains down there. :)

2. It might be dark by the time I get home, which wouldn't be safe: Ok, ok, a valid excuse for when I used to live downtown, but I reside in the suburbs now and I'm pretty sure I would be alright on a lit, busy street. Oh, and it doesn't get dark at 4pm any longer.

3. I really need to sit down and send out some resumes and work on my job search: This one is my favorite because there is nothing I hate more than job hunting and this can and is usually done at night from the comfort of my bed on my laptop. There was no need to embark on this task midday.

4. I have Wednesday off from work so I can work out and run even further without time constraints: Ah, yes, put off what you can do today and just wait to do it later. How about you run today AND on Wednesday.

5. And as I was arriving home the last and final excuse was that my ipod was dead: apparently I forgot that all I have to do is plug the thing into my computer for a few minutes and BAM, I will have music to run to. :)

Did I wise up and go for that run? No. Am I beating myself up over it? Not as much as I was earlier in the evening. I recognized the error of my ways and I will just start fresh again tomorrow. After all, we can't get it right every day and this journey is all about being forgiving towards yourself, right?

Maybe karma is crap.

Several months ago a clerk at a gas station handed me a twenty dollar bill for change instead of the ten dollars he really owed me. I handed it back and told the truth. Last month my employer over paid me on my paycheck by quite a bit. I told my manager and had the difference taken out of my next check. I let people get ahead of me while merging in traffic. I send thank you and sympathy cards when appropriate. I help out friends when they need money or simply a shoulder to cry on. I try to avoid road rage, I've cut down on my anger, I tell the people I love that I love them and I always say please and thank you. Does any of this shit really add up? I'm not so sure.

I don't like to feel sorry for myself because all I have to do is watch the nightly news, look at a stranger on the street or read a book and I know that things could always be worse. However, for the sake of this post, I will list some of the things I have been through in the last few years.

My husband left and filed for divorce. I had to move out of the house I owned and loved. I sold my belongings and drove to Cali to be with friends. I love my best friend. I moved home to Seattle. My ex got his girlfriend pregnant and married her. I got laid of twice from two different jobs (one of which sucked and one that I really liked). I moved home, literally, with family to save money. My dad got diagnosed with cancer. And that brings us to present day.

When I type it all out it seems really silly that I think of these things as tragedies. Just watching the news tonight about the madness that is happening in Egypt makes me count my blessings. On the other hand, at about 2:30 today I wasn't thinking that at all. All I was thinking was"why me!!???" and "what have I done to deserve this??".

I will set the scene. I got up this morning and hit the track. I've been running with my dad on my nights off from work, but without knowing how far he will be able to make it since he is just getting in the game, I tend to workout the morning of as well. I jogged three miles followed by some stair running, sit-ups and push-ups. The sun was shining in Seattle and it felt great to be out in the nice weather treating my body well. Running is my yoga. Running is my knitting. Running is the thing that brings me peace and centers me. I don't do it to lose weight and I don't even run all the fast, but it makes me feel strong and I love it. I felt accomplished after my morning at the track and I planned to spend the rest of the day soaking up a gorgeous Seattle afternoon. Next on the agenda.....the dog park.

I take being a dog owner seriously and I believe that if you decide to have a pet, then you better be willing to put in the work. My little Lucy spends a lot of time with my parents when I'm at work, but on my days off I try to give her tons of attention. There is a new dog park just miles from my house with a huge open field of grass, tennis balls galore and fairly nice patrons. We've been there twice before and although Lucy is socially awkward and rarely actually "plays" with the other dogs, I think she likes it. We had only been there for about 20 minutes when the question about karma popped in my head.

A very sweet older woman was throwing a ball for her black lab (ironically named Lucy) with one of those "chuck-it" things that are designed for lazy people that don't want to bend over to pick up a ball and really can't throw one that far. We had been chatting and even I threw the ball a couple of times for Lucy (Lucy the lab, not my Lucy. My Lucy doesn't know what fetch means). A few minutes later, as I was looking off into the distance at the lovely blue sky, something hit me from behind and a white hot pain struck my knee. Lucy the lab had taken off to chase her ball and ran right into the back of my leg just under my knee cap. The sound of my knee buckeling/dislocating out of the socket/snapping and popping back in was loud enough for several people around us to hear. I swear that as I fell to the ground the only thought in my head was "shit! I can't run now".

Hyper-extending is the technical term and I did it to my other knee back in high school. It takes time to heal and for the swelling to subside, but running is not going to be happening this week for sure. I sobbed most of the drive home; partly from the pain, but mostly from the thought that nothing ever goes my way. I try hard to make good choices, do the right thing and show kindess to others, but something always sets me back several steps. Ugh.

After a several hour pity party for myself which included crying to my mother (that always seems to help no matter how old you are) I came to this conclusion. I have to just keep pushing ahead. I have to take every set back in stride and I have to believe with all my heart that good things are in my future. What else can people do? Giving up isn't an option. At least for me. Karma isn't about doing the right thing so that you can "get" something in return. Karma is just about doing the right thing. With my knee on ice and the hopes that I can at least go for a walk tomorrow to continue my weight loss and my hobby, I have faith that eventually I will take three steps forward without ANY steps back in life. :)

"Whatever we do lays a seed in our deepest consciousness, and one day that seed will grow." -Sakyong Mipham

If you buy these, you will run....

Hands down, these are the most comf0rtable running shoes I have ever owned!! My parents got them for me for Christmas and today was the first day I actually laced them up and hit the track. It was a little like running on clouds and I swear they helped me shave some time off my mile. I've never been the kind of person to invest lots of money into my hobby of running, but I can honestly say that these shoes were worth the extra pennies. A hint.....they are cheaper on www.zappos.com and you don't have to pay shipping and handling. :)

My First 10K Run!

When I thought about what I wanted to have as my first post on this new blog, it seemed like a good idea to start with the 10K race I will be doing in two days. This endeavor is both terrifying and exciting and I think it symbolically marks the start to a new road I will be running down in my life. I have never covered 6.2 miles on foot, but as the date draws closer I find myself trusting that my body can, and will, carry me farther than I give it credit for. In a strange way, I have begun to think of this race as a gauge to what other dreams and adventures I can pursue. If I can take off, leaving even just a little of my baggage at the starting gate, and successfully reach that finish line.....then anything is possible! I know it will take both mind and body and I hope a little peace finds me at mile 6!


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